An Empty Cup
If being a teacher is like being a cup, I feel like my cup has been near empty for the last month or so. I was really thankful to have a break from teaching so that I could have time to "re-group." I attended a workshop a couple of weeks ago, but was disappointed that there weren't a whole lot of new ideas for me to glean. However, I have an opportunity to attend a more formal workshop this coming Monday and Tuesday, so I am HOPING that I will glean some valuable tools.
Students, Students, Students
I'm realizing more and more what a privilege it is to have students. Over the past few weeks, my heart has been broken for my students as well as blessed/overjoyed:
- When I was administering speaking tests, I had so many students who just stared blankly at me when I asked them questions. [As a psych major, I have several thoughts about the speaking test - enough to probably devote to a separate blog post.]
- Some of the teachers told me that some of the 1st graders did some terribly violent things to one of their classmates.... all while video-taping it. I almost cried when I heard about it.
- I had five 3rd graders (9th graders) burst into my classroom this week simply to say, Teacher Holly, we love you so much! You are so beautiful! We love you! One girl gave me a hug. Then they left. The love that Korean students pile onto their Native Teachers is really something not to take for granted. I have a hard time picturing something like this happening in a middle school in the States.
- For the first time, I had two boys REALLY fighting in my classroom this week. I've had lots of students fight playfully, but this was different. It was a very serious fist-fight-trying-to-hurt-each-other-angry-kind-of-fight. I was shocked and realized once again that the students in my school have bigger problems than their studies.
- Two of my 1st graders came to class 20 minutes early after lunch. Such sweet girls. I really need to take advantage of these opportunities to get to know my students more.
- Had to take a razor away from a girl during class. The students motioned to me that she uses it to cut her arms. I'm not sure if they were serious about this particular girl. But I don't doubt at all that I have students that struggle with this.
- Saw one of my students that graduated last year visiting school this week. She's grown up so much and is doing so well. I'm SO proud of her.
I have a "demo" lesson coming up in a few weeks. This means that several teachers from other schools in my district will come to watch me teach with one of my co-teachers. We've been working really hard on our lesson plan. There have also been several challenges that we've had to work through in preparation for this lesson.
In the past, when I have observed other demo lessons, I have gone with the hope that I will be able to gain some helpful tools/ideas to improve my teaching. Most of the time, however, these classes are more like shows/performances. The teachers generally rehearse the lesson with the students several times before the actual demo lesson. Also, the students are generally top students (hand-picked for this class only). The teachers generally spend TONS of time preparing the lesson and print out all of their handouts in color. The co-teachers actually plan the lesson TOGETHER. Basically, a lot of things happen that usually don't happen. The lack of authenticity really bothers me. But I guess it kind of makes sense. I was really frustrated by similar things when I was working at Starbucks last summer (Reflections from a Barista).
The preparation experience for this demo lesson has been a good experience for me. I REALLY appreciate the co-teacher that I'm working with. I've thoroughly been enjoying the opportunity to get to know her better. She's worked really hard and it's SO refreshing to have someone to plan lessons WITH. We also have a very similar perspective on demo teaching. The lack of authenticity in most demo classes frustrates the both of us. We both want to present an authentic demo lesson with a real class of normal, average students.
In preparing for this lesson there have been some very frustrating moments - mostly from administration. There's a lot of pressure to have a "perfect" lesson. If one student misbehaves or if one thing goes wrong, it will be seen as a poor reflection upon our entire school [this is a cultural difference - Korean culture is much more community-oriented]. The English teachers have begged and pleaded for us to rehearse with the students. I finally agreed to rehearse - but only once.
I'm trying to have a balanced perspective with this whole thing. I really want to do my best - but that is always my goal. I want to honor my co-teacher and my school... and most importantly, the Lord. Doing work of excellence is great. I just don't like the whole performance mentality. But it's possible that I am confused about the actual purpose of these demo lessons. Maybe the purpose is for it to be a performance(?). I am sure that there are many other cultural barriers that are contributing to the challenges... I'm definitely still processing all of this... it's a "growth opportunity" for sure. ;-)
