Don't Beat Yourself Up!

God has been reminding me of His grace... and how I am in such desperate need of it, particularly the last couple of weeks. I get so frustrated with myself when I fall short... My Mom often tells me, "Don't beat yourself up, Holly!"

This week... I had an opportunity to share that phrase with my co-teacher.

A Big Problem...
Yesterday at lunch, Kim Yeong Chae/Anna, my main co-teacher informed me that there was a BIG problem... and it was concerning me. When I asked her what it was, she told me to finish eating and that she would tell me afterward. Then, the rest of my co-teachers proceeded to try to find out what the problem was - speaking in Korean, of course! I would like to tell you that I was feeling completely calm... but I was concerned... and frustrated that they were all talking about a problem directly concerning me without translating (and they all know English)!

Needless to say, I didn't eat a whole lot more and finished so that Anna would tell me what the problem was. She looked incredibly troubled (I had noticed earlier in the morning). She told me there was a problem with my "state of employment." Immediately, I thought she was going to tell me they could no longer afford to pay me... or maybe someone made an error with my paperwork... I had no idea! She (along with all of the other co-teachers) assured me that I wasn't losing my job [insert huge sigh of relief].

The problem was related to my paycheck (definitely a problem, but not nearly as big as Anna made it out to be). I noticed on the last payslip an error (a lesser amt. than I am supposed to be receiving since I completed my TESOL course this summer).

Failed Communication
To make a long story short... the SMOE failed to communicate to me (as well as my school and co-teacher and school district office) that a personal interview is required before a pay raise is given when the TESOL course is completed. After the personal interview, the pay raise will be given one month later. I didn't notice this error until this last paycheck because the month before I was paid for 5 weeks rather than 4, and didn't even think about the math difference.

S0, on my first day of school, when I handed in my TESOL certificate, my co-teacher faxed it to our school district office and we thought everything was taken care of. Anna did everything she thought she was supposed to do, as did I. However, when we noticed the error on my last paycheck, she called the SMOE and found out about the personal interview. When I talked to them yesterday after lunch, the woman on the phone informed me that I should have heard about it at orientation (it was not discussed... and we didn't receive anything in writing about it). Sometimes they just expect you to know their procedures... without telling you about them. Kind of frustrating...

Anyway, Anna was feeling SO bad... she didn't even eat her lunch. And she apologized profusely. She felt like it was her fault. I assured her that I was not angry with her... frustrated with the SMOE for their failure to communicate, but not with her at all! She's done so much for me and is doing her best. She had no way of knowing otherwise... but still felt responsible. That's when I asked her if she'd ever heard of the phrase, "Don't beat yourself up." She hadn't heard about it... but after explaining it to her, she said to me, "Your mom is a very wise woman." I could only nod in agreement.

Blessings
So... it's a bummer that the SMOE won't correct their mistake and reimburse me for the money they should have been paying all along. However, I am thankful that we were able to get the error taken care of quickly. It was definitely God's provision and timing that we found out yesterday - on October 31, the last day of the month. We were able to go to the office yesterday afternoon (my principal graciously allowed us to leave school early to take care of the problem) and took care of the personal interview, got the little stamp on my contract, and was promised a pay raise within a month. Had we waited until next week (November) to go... it would have taken a full extra month for the pay raise to kick in. Crazy, huh?

Also, I was encouraged and comforted by the fact that the Lord knows my needs better than I do. He's been SO incredibly faithful to provide what I need. And I will be fine until the pay raise comes. It would have been nice to save that extra money to pay for college loans, but I still have what I need to continue living life! I was truly amazed by the peace and calm I had when Anna informed me of the whole situation. The first thought that honestly came to my mind was... well, that's a disappointment, but nothing God can't handle. God has overwhelmed me with His provision in the past, He's providing now, and He'll provide in the future. I know that would not be my natural response... it's ONLY the Holy Spirit... which is pretty sweet.

It was also a nice opportunity to spend some extra time with Anna. We haven't had much time to chat recently, so it was nice to have some extra 1-on-1 time. I just wish she wouldn't have felt so terrible... it totally wasn't her fault at all. If only she understood...

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.